I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
