apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
