it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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