she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
