We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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