What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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