just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
it hurts more in the daytime
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
