please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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