I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
