Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
