I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
