It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
