my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
