based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
