By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
