FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
