so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
BRING THE BAGELS
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
