I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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