I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
