Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
