some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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