so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
