Jerry, you need to find god
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
