More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
