lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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