I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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