Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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