Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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