at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just found a bag of teeth...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
