Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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