I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
