I wish I could teleport
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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