my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize