Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
