i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
All the doctor said was why
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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