The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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