In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm at about main and main street
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize