I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
