at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
