I want to walk on stilts...naked
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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