Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
