He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
