I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
