A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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