Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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