Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize