He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
