She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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