White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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