I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
