im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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