guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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