Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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