So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
