My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
