I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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