you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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