I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
