so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
