I showed him my bush... on skype.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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