Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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