I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
