I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize