We're like a lot better than the average bears
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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