clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
