I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
vagina is talking i cant
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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