Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
